I’m a 25 year old teacher teaching at boys school & I have colleagues younger than me. I caught one of my students telling her he wanted her as his teacher instead & it hurt my feelings. They compliment her a lot. It makes me jealous. What do I do?

Why are you jealous?

If your jealousy stems from self doubt and the belief that she’s a better teacher, despite you being older and possibly more experienced, spend time finding out what she does that seems to deliver better results or higher engagement. Are these things you can do? The best teachers have a broad range of strategies they can use to motivate, interest and engage students. They spend their career adding new ideas to their ‘toolbox’. Give yourself time.

Good teachers treat their students with respect, modelling healthy human relationships and appropriate professional relationships. You can be kind, compassionate and empathetic at the same time but ultimately you’re the adult here. Encouraging a crush is unhealthy and an abuse of power. Never do this.

This is a real question: Why do a lot of men/boys hate (yes, hate) women that voice their criteria in choosing a partner? Even when the criteria is sane and responsible. Besides it being, sadly, an effective mating strategy, why does it exist?

They like her teaching style better than yours?

They’re crushing on her instead of you?

She’s focused on friendship/likeability rather than teaching?

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Teachers, despite the movies, aren’t actually there to be loved by their students. It’s not your purpose. You are there to teach, to guide to mentor and support their learning. That’s it.

There could be many reasons students prefer one teacher over another, and their preferences change given the subject you teach, your pedagogy, your personality, school rules, their age, their ambitions etc etc. Children can be fickle in their affections, so it’s pointless focusing on how much they seem to like you today compared with yesterday.

You’re 25 and your colleague is younger. I’m guessing your colleague is unlikely to be younger than 22. Trust me, the students won’t be seeing that 3 year gap. In their eyes you’re equally ‘old’ (‘young’ when they’re trying to flatter you).

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